Dream Killers

My Dream Killers

solange_knowles_this_bird

This past weekend I went to TN, to a national science lab to continue my polymer chemistry studies on the interfaces between cyclic and linear combination of polystyrene, polymethylmethylacralate, and polyoxyethylene. Sounds boring and complicated…but my boss and his coworkers did not come with me, so for the majority of the time I did little chemistry and had more me time. In the midst of the project I had great convo with one of my partners in crime that works at the national lab. It was great to have “real conversation” with someone who looks like me, because in this field that’s hardly the case. One topic that was brought up were my future moves and endeavors, since I’ll be done with grad school on Dec. 15 (I hope my boss knows that…oh well). I told her of my love for aesthetics and chemistry in regards to consumer products, cosmetic/fragrance chemistry, wedding planning, and cosmetology. She was really interested and even gave me pointers so that I would not have pitfalls as she did in her previous science careers, and where to find employment dealing with “aesthetics and consumers” rather than chemistry. The conversation gave me a boost of excitement in the anticipation of things to come, even at the 25th hr, when a paycheck will start to look slim very soon. I talked to a few of my friends over the weekend and they also boosted my entrepreneurial and momentum energy levels in regards to careers.

Then I received a call from my mom, just to check on me. My dad picked up the phone and interrupted us to say “so what are you gonna do, go back to school, or move back to MD” I rudely stated “what! ” and “neither one, I’m staying in Atlanta!” As the conversation went on I constantly heard my father say you need to go back to school, only 12% of the population has PhDs, you need to do something, when are you coming back to MD, the work you are doing at the national lab sounds like PhD word, wa wa wa wa wa (Charlie Brown). My parents killed my dreams…instantly…it’s so funny how one comment from someone who has a significant role in your life and does not truly understand your intentions and dreams can turn you red. It’s remarkable to me how they fail to recognize and chose to be ignorant to your needs and wants, and are quick to lay their dreams, wants, and needs on you because of what they think you NEED to do to be happy and survive, or because of what they need…not saying they are, but this reminds me of leeches.At the end of the day, I know my folks have good intenetions, but I am the only one who has to live my life and be buried 6ft under. So rather than criticize, aid in my discovery of me through support, other wise keep your comments to yourself and your damn mouth shut. I have enough daily bullshit, so I don’t need your cow. I went silent on the phone and my mom asked if I was ok and how was the rest of the trip as to change the subject. I was heated, I love my parents, so I didn’t say anything except that I needed to get off of the phone to do some work. That was yesterday…and I have no desire to speak to them still…and right now could careless if I did…it is a shame how cold someone can become to the point that no contact sounds like a sunny day. One of my good friends told me that when someone gets mad and they become silent, that is when you start to worry, because they no longer care enough to work out the problem…hopefully I will speak to my parents soon. I contacted Mr.Big, he always has confidence in me, even when the world doubts me, such a giving and good person. He told me he believed in me, and has told me several times before he has a small job for me after grad school for 2 months to keep me on my feet. I would rather not ask for the help because I believe I do better when I help people. But I would rather do that job than swing around a poll in nada to make ends meat and lose the sight of what is good and righteous…but I have been taking the job into consideration ( I know, bad move, and don’t tell the folks). I have to do what I have to do (with some respect) and to not let my dream killers win. My dreams, goals, and aspirations need to be met because I feel like I have been the martyr for their continuous demise in the grace of my parents.